Pulling together a plan

Every day since last Wednesday, I have received a call from someone at or affiliated with Doernbecher Children's Hospital: cardiology nurses, surgery schedulers, pre-registration-ers, "our" social worker making sure we were stand up citizens who could stay at the Ronald McDonald house, and intake staff at the Ronald McDonald house. Who will call tomorrow?

On Friday, Keane weighed 12 lb, 9.5 oz. However, today he weighed only 12 lb, 6 oz. We've been trying to get Keane to drink out of a bottle instead of the dropper. As a result, he is not getting as much high calorie formula. What a quandary. He has to drink out of a bottle in the hospital, at least for the first couple days after surgery, likely. However, if he doesn't get enough high cal, he loses weight. Well, only a few more days to go. One week from tomorrow (Wednesday) morning, we will be at his pre-operative appointment, on a tour of the Peds ICU and checking in to the Ronald McDonald house the night before his surgery.

It's all so surreal - still.  It feels like a lifetime of waiting for the surgery and wishing for it to be surgery day. Now that it is really almost here, I am not ready. I don't mean readiness for chores, errands or completion of work-related tasks - I am not ready to watch them take him away, not ready to wait for the surgery to be over, not ready to see chest tubes protruding, or my son intubated, not ready to be unable to pick him up or see him in pain. I know I don't have a choice - he doesn't have a choice. There is no other option....